photo 500x90_zpstdr3iova.png

3 Reasons Why Samsung Galaxy Smartphones Suck

I know I'm going to get a lot of shit for this, so let me start off by saying that this is entirely my subjective point of view.

Considering both Apple and Samsung are easily the two biggest smartphone providers in the world right now, saying that Samsung phones suck is like kicking a hornet's nest using only your flaccid penis. Going into production of this article, I could already expect the like to dislike ratio to look like the general consensus of The Fine Brothers at this point.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that the phones suck. They don't. Kyocera phones suck. I'm just saying that they aren't that fucking good. People are buying this shit like it's a fucking cure for the Ebola virus.

Here is a list of things that suck about Samsung phones.

  1.  Design.

I can honestly say that Samsung designs phones the way God designed fucking raindrops. These phones support some of the most baffling design decisions I have ever seen. Whoever decided that someones entire phone needed to be covered on all sides with smoother-than-jizz-on-a-watermelon Gorilla Glass was either higher than the Voyager 2 satellite, or wanted to design a phone that they could safely shove up their own ass, because the galaxy S5 and 6 are harder to grip without a specialized case than a bar of soap in a maximum security prison.

If that wasn't bad enough, some level 42 intellect at Samsung's design committee decided that the S6 edge, as well as both Galaxy S7s needed to round both edges of the screen, and extend the display area all the way to the very side of the phone, so that only Mutant telekinesis-experts like Gean Grey from the X-Men can use the phone without pressing shit by accident, because got forbid some fucking caveman wanted to use his own hands to hold the very phone that requires his hands to operate, am I right?

If you thought Samsung's phones being about as easy to grip as a hard boiled egg covered in duck feces was bad, just wait till you drop the thing on the ground, because for a phone covered in gorilla glass, this phone is easier to shatter than a saltine cracker if it were taking lessons in Brazilian Jui-Jitsu. These glass panels are about as strong as the teeth of the average heroine addict.

I work at a company that employ's 250 people, about 90% of whom use a Samsung Galaxy S6, and guess what? I have not seen one -not even one- screen that wasn't cracked along the edge. You know, the same edge that Samsung's brilliant superior minds felt the whole God damn screen should be, covered from top to bottom in the glass that could be shattered by peaceful thoughts, or perhaps even a slight breeze on a partly cloudy Tuesday afternoon?


I know this is going to sound like bullshit coming from the grand wizard of the#StockAndroidMasterRace, but Touchwiz; Samsung's completely unnecessary custom ROM for the galaxy series; is a glitchy, bloated, and impractical pile of shit in my opinion. I know that this is a subjective opinion and everything, but consider this: Touchwiz -in the new galaxy S7- is nearly eight fucking gigabytes all by itself. Stock android builds like what you have in the Nexus are less than half of that, yet are capable of the exact same shit. To put this in perspective, the entire internal storage capacity of my 3rd Gen Moto G is 8 gigabytes by itself, and that's running Android 6! Now I know the fanboys are going to tear me a new asshole in the comments section, but let's be honest here: Touchwiz is a custom ROM built on Android source code, so what exactly is Samsung putting in this build that justifies an 8gb build? Bloatware, redundant bullshit apps, and the morbidly obese Touchwiz OS itself.

Just so we're clear, when I talk about redundant apps, I'm talking about the fact that instead of just having a Samsung keyboard, it also has the AOSP keyboard running at the same time. Instead of just having a Samsung calendar, there is also the Stock AOSP calendar, and so on. Samsung's 300+ apps hogging a shit ton of storage, coupled with Samsung cloud services hogging system RAM as it sends usage statistics back to Samsung, which is also checking your location, and everything else a cloud service does, right along side all the Google AOSP cloud services while it does the same shit, meaning that it's using twice as much memory to do even the most basic tasks, means that its wasting resources for no good reason at all. Don't even get me started on system logging, because both the Samsung and AOSP apps log app data at the same time.

What makes this such a pain in the ass is the fact that Samsung's hardware is actually pretty good. The excellent hardware is wasted on a ROM that sucks by any metric one could use to measure it.


This may seem entirely subjective, but I feel like the way the Android market has favored Samsung Phones is not entirely Justified. In other words, I think there has been way too much hype built around a rather expensive phone that really isn't that good. There are much -much- better devices out there for the same price getting overlooked, because they are stuck in the shadow of the monster that is the Samsung Marketing machine.

This is why a have not, and WILL not buy another Samsung Galaxy. The drawbacks are just too numerous for me, when the Nexus 6P costs about the same as the Galaxy S7.
Next PostNewer Post Previous PostOlder Post Home


  1. Agree where! And Sony deserve more

  2. Agree where! And Sony deserve more

  3. I agree with some of your points, but is so slow with there technology. reminds you of the dimwitted cousin you left on the short bus.

    1. In my country, the proverbial dimwitted cousins don't sit on the "short bus", per se. They drive their fast cars around town, ignoring street lights (we have no law enforcement). They'd park their cars wherever they like, even in the middle of the road, blocking the traffic. They can't stand walking more than 10 steps into any shop, so they'd park JUST RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE SHOP THANKYOUSOVERYMUCH. And of course, 90s% of the people in this town hate Apple, just because it makes them look or sound cool (being anti-establishment). How do they sound cool? Their Samsung make the loudest noise, enough to wake the whole country up. As I understand, this isn't just something that happens in my country, but almost all over Southeast Asia. If you hold an iPhone in your hand, YOU ARE A MORON. A SHEEP. AN iDIOT. Yes. Yes. I get it.
      I am an iDiot by that definition, and proud of it. I love my phone super small yet comes with a 12MP camera. Last time I looked, Lenovo doesn't make that. Not Asus. Not HTC. None of the Android makers. Only Apple makes a 4" phone that works reliably, runs fast, supports HEVC videos, and has 12MP camera. (If Asus comes up with a cheap 4" Zenfone with a decent 12MP camera, fuck yeah, I'm there.) And I'd prefer that phone not to have SO MANY CORES THAT IT'D BLOW UP SPONTANEOUSLY. I may have a fugly face, but breaking it into a million pieces is no way to solve the beauty problem.
      BTW you need to update your info on iPhones. The latest model comes with dual lenses and optical zoom. But I wouldn't be getting that one as it's too crazy expensive. Also, the so-called dimwitted iPhone cousin you left on the short bus is usually playing the latest games and apps, ones you'd normally find on Youtube reviews, wherein in the comment section, more "higher-tech Android people" would ask "Android version when?" Also, it's getting a bit silly telling people how "fucking street" your phone is, then only to turn on your phone to one fucking app, FaceBook. That's what 90% of phone users do over here. Turn on their Galaxy sets to that one app. If they want to be like a boss, they'd put on a video (and watch it vertically), while the bottom is still FaceBook.
      Seriously, take a good look at yourself before calling others a moron.

  4. couldn't agree more! Touchwiz is a waste of memory and resources. but the gen public, who doesnt know jack about how smartphones actually work, eat it up. Ignorance is bliss, I guess. Hardware is shit too. If you can't make a battery last longer, just f'n outsource it! not make it explode! Was a Samsung user for years and almost reluctantly jumped ship on Android. That is until I bought a non-samsung phone. Samsung ruins the android user experience. If I were apple, I would be over the moon that samsung is the Android N00b's goto.

  5. If the Samsung Galaxy phones suck, then the Apple phones must be the worst thing since Hitler.

  6. Samsung can take the curved screen and shove it up their a$$. Sick and tired of constant dial ups that I don't make, turning on without my hand even touching the screen, anything can touch the screen and the stupid phone will launch, no place to hold the phone without touching the screen. Purchasing this phone was one of the dumbest things I've ever done, and never again.

  7. Parents these days know that raising a child is the most rewarding but daunting task that they will ever experience in their lives. Children these days are living in a world where technology and information can reach them instantly. aplicacion espia android

  8. There is a heck of a lot more wrong with Samsung than just what you mention - i am talking serious flaws that just blow my mind!

  9. Bought 2 different samsung galaxy phones so far in 2020. The S20- after that one SUCKED SO BAD it malfunctioned (locked me out for no reason that would not factory reset).. i than got A50 already touch screen keeps messing up an speakers suck. Camera not impresive... an will blink closed in middle of gaming...!

  10. The phones are stuffed full of Bullshit unwanted apps.